Merry… Christmas?
I finally got back to Chicago today and collected two weeks’ worth of mail. Among the Christmas cards was a plain white #10 envelope addressed to me in a neat, all-caps hand. The return address is from “Halpert” on Ellsworth St. in Naperville. Odd, since I don’t think I know anybody in Naperville. Nor anybody named Halpert.
I opened the letter and found a two-page faux-typed “Christmas” letter (including a faux water ring on the back). I scanned both pages, which are below—you’ll have to click on them to enlarge, but I beg you to do so. The letter itself is pretty funny, but I have NO IDEA who sent it to me. (I don’t have a home phone, so my address isn’t listed). The return address on the actual letter is my work address (sans suite number), which is… coincidental? creepy? weird? Please, for the love of all things holy, if you sent this to me, let me know. It’s driving me crazy.
If you need further persuasion to enlarge and read, here’s the second paragraph for you:
To begin at the beginning. Many of you will have heard that, while walking home from mailing our holiday missive in early December 2006, I was struck in the temple by an Audi. Servilia and the kids feared the worst, and their fears were confirmed when I survived. I’ve long believed that there is something positive to learn from even the darkest event. However, I have been very, very wrong. Getting hit by an Audi is an uniformly bad thing.
Posted 2 January 2009
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Hmm . . . mysterious indeed. Your mailing address is in your email signature, so maybe someone you’ve emailed–or anyone who’s forwarded an email originally from you–got your address. Or if it was sent by a co-worker, they could’ve somehow gotten your staff file? Let me know if you figure it out!
Good point about my address in my email signature.
My office building is big enough that that address could be coincidence, but I’m sure it’s nobody I work with (there are only about eight of us). But I’m going to ask around at work Monday to see if anybody else got one.
i do not think i could be more jealous. my favorite part might be that he thinks he hears servilia’s audi in the driveway. if it’s okay with you, i would like to print this & put it up as part of my christmas decorations every year.
@jaq
I will happily print this out and send it to you every Christmas with my Christmas card.
Holy crap. I think I just figured out who sent this to me! HOORAY.
hilarioius!! totally agree with jaq that this needs to become an annual tradition. but aren’t you going to share with us who wrote it??? we’re dying of curiosity.
Sorry, I wrote that last comment whilst drunk on glogg and forgot to follow up. The author of the letter is a coworker of mine (who does, in fact, live in Naperville) who is known for such beautifully crafted shenanigans. It really shouldn’t have taken me 48 hours to figure it out, but I wouldn’t have guessed he had my home address. (Actually… how *does* he have my home address?!)